The Pumpkin Pie Eating Contest!
Seriously, Smiley has been waiting for this all her life. When she was around three, she started asking if there are ever any pie eating contests around here. It always cracked me up, because while she loves horses, softball, Littlest Pet Shop and lots of the other good things in life, the kid is passionate about food. Not just any food, either. She became pretty health conscious last year after she developed a little crush on Jamie Oliver and watched his vid about how chicken nuggets are made. Then about a month ago, she announced that she was vegetarian. This thrilled me because I had nothing to do with it, she arrived at the notion totally on her own. She's pretty selective about her sweets too.. She knows whats good and can spot something delicious amongst a sea confectionery mediocrity. But I digress. On to the event.
The rules were: Absolutly no hands. No drinks may be consumed. If you puke you are disqualified. The winner is the person who consumes a whole pie in 5 minutes. If the whole pie is not consumed, the winner will be the one who had eaten the most, and the audience will judge by cheering.
Get ready. Set. Go!!!
This was probably the funniest yet most horrifying thing I've ever witnessed. Pies were scooting around. I swear I heard some snorting. One kid's mom, who apparently wasn't paying attention when the rules were stated, kept shoving a large beverage at her kid."Get a drink!" The kid kept giving her this awful look and shaking his head. The other moms were poised, ready to rat cheater mom out as soon as the boy dared sip. Somebody finally gave her a heads up about the no drink rule.
After about the third or fourth face full of pie, I noticed Smiley's expression seemed a little off. Hmmm, the girl next to her wore the exact same expression. I elbowed the girl's mom and whispered, "Not sure about this." She whispered back, "They look like they might throw up." We started cheering for our girls, hoping that our enthusiasm would somehow curb their need to spew pumpkin pie all over the place. Around the fourth minute, I could tell Smiley was losing momentum. Fortunately a little girl that she knows and a teenage girl moved in behind her and began cheering her on. "You've got this," the teen shouted. This was all she needed. She began chomping on the crust and I knew it was in the bag. Five...four...three...two..one...TIME!!!
Looking down the line, I noticed the boys all looked totally normal, save for the pumpkin all over their face. It was the two girls who looked pale and disgusted. The judges walked around checking out the damage and immediately declared Smiley the WINNER!!!
Okay, did you see all the contestants? All kids right? Guess what the prize was? Ready?
Dinner for two, two tickets to the Comedy Zone (not a kid show) and an overnight stay at the hotel where they have the comedy hour. So basically they will feed you, entertain you and put you up after you spend all your money on booze. Smiley didn't even care about the prize, it was the experience she was after. After it was all said and done, we traded. She gave her prize to her dad and me, I gave her cash.
After the contest, we were looking for some paper towels and she said, "Mom, your pumpkin pie is way better." Then a few minutes later as we were searching for the restrooms, "That was the grossest pie I've ever eaten." "It was really nasty. It was all hot from the sun and it tasted funny." I felt so bad for her and she still had no color in her face. After she got cleaned up and blew all the pie out of her nose, she said, "Can we have a different kind of pie for Thanksgiving this year?" Sure thing, babe.